I have to admit that I had been looking forward to the cover page creation process for a long time. My illustrator Felix Ding lives in California, so we exchanged some ideas via email before I put my foot down and insisted on a vision that culminated in the design above.
It is certainly a bit of an ego trip to put a character bearing a passing resemblance to yourself on the cover of a book that you wrote. But there is a more significant reason why I overruled Felix’s initial design idea with something that was…a bit more me.
On October 19, 2019 I became the first Chinese-born person to appear as a bench coach in an AHL or NHL game. I think. No one has ever confirmed or denied.
Here’s what happened:
The Marlies were to play against the Cleveland Monsters on the Saturday. On the day before the game, however, assistant coach A.J. McLean urgently flew home to Nova Scotia due to a family emergency.
The usual procedure would be for head coach Sheldon Keefe and assistant Rob Davison to run the bench and for me to remain backstage in the video room.
I may never understand why, but Sheldon decided to break with convention. For that I’ll forever be grateful.
On Friday he extended an invitation for me to take A.J.’s spot on the bench for the game. The idea of making my professional debut in that capacity kept me up most of the night.
The game itself was a bit of a blur. It is jarring how terrible the bench angle is when you’ve been watching hockey on a broadcast feed for the past five years.
I tried my best to keep track of line match-ups on my coach card. I kept a stiff upper-lip and tried not to make any sudden movements, lest any of the players or staff noticed that I was basically shaking in my undies. I hadn’t stood on a bench since coaching high school hockey a decade prior.
It was almost too much to process at first, but after a period the game slowed down for me. I rediscovered how much I enjoyed seeing, hearing and smelling the game from up-close.
With just over three minutes left in the second period, Marlies winger Darren Archibald, the only other person of color on either bench that day, picked up the puck in the neutral zone, drove it across the crease and tucked it in behind Veini Vehvilainen to give us a 1-0 lead. Egor Korshkov scored on the powerplay in the third period to secure the win.
It would be the only game I coached on the Marlies’ bench.
That day came and went without fanfare. The only artifact from my achievement (which has not been confirmed by anyone I’ve talked to) remains a photo on the team website with forward Tyler Gaudet as the center of attention.
Do you see me?
I get it. It was a one-game thing. I was just an assistant coach. It didn’t really count. Get over yourself. As a person of color working in hockey I’ve heard variations of this many times: It doesn’t matter; you don’t matter.
But it did matter and I do matter.
I need to reclaim that moment and enjoy it for what it really is: progress.
So I told Felix that his design just won’t do.
I think you’ll agree that he did a fantastic job.
Maybe my next book cover will be a photograph.