If we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, then I’ve been very lucky.
I met my closest friends during my late teens and early 20s. We didn’t have the same upbringing but shared the essential: loving parents who provided but also demanded.
I’d like to think we’ve made the most of our privilege. I’m blessed to have reached the NHL and to still work in the game full-time. Yet I’m far from the most successful in our group. There’s Charles, the chartered accountant who’s now a TV production executive. Ilya just made partner at his corporate law firm. Eric, a finance grad, manages mind-boggling sums for public institutions. Mike is an orthopaedic surgeon specializing in hip replacements. Jean is an AHL equipment manager who’s represented Canada internationally.
Back in the day, our way of being good to each other was through spending time together. At school, at the rink, in bars, et cetera.
In our 30s (and soon 40s), we no longer have that luxury. Four of us have kids. All of us work in competitive fields that require travel and constant focus. Getting the gang together around the same table now constitutes a minor miracle.
So how do we remain friends even if we don’t see or hear from each other?
By striving.
Some of the most important moments in our friendship, we didn’t share at all. At different times, we missed out on parties and events to study. Several of us moved away to pursue post-grads and entry-level jobs. Many a boys’ trip never materialized due to conflicting work schedules and mounting financial responsibilities.
In hindsight, these moments strengthened rather than weakened our bond, because the one sacrificing raised the standard for the rest.
It would’ve been easy for the entire group to fail together if all we wanted was to hang back and have fun.
Instead, whenever any of us needed motivation to do something difficult, all we needed to do was to look at what the other fellas were up to.
Maybe we’ll have more time to spend with each other in our 50s and 60s. In the meantime, we maintain our bond with the occasional text and an unspoken agreement to never give up on ourselves.